24 Things No Parent Wants To Hear

I have three kids. They range in age from 6-and-a-bit to not quite 20 months yet. They are noisy. They all talk all the time (no idea where they got that from). I love the chats and the sweet singing, but there are some sounds that send me over the edge, that make my heart sink, my head hang or my shouting commence. These things more than others are triggers for me, especially when I’m tired. Things my kids say or do that spell trouble. Here are 24 of them, recognise any? Many of these are set in the bathroom or near water hazards, this is not a coincidence.

For balance I’ll have to do a post of 24 things every parent loves to hear, but then I might sound smug. This is not a smug list.


  1. “Oopsie!” (oopsie is never good, especially coming from the bathroom in a four-year-old voice)
  2. “Mam, I accidentally….” (easy tell he’s a lawyer’s son, getting his defence in before his confession)
  3. The scraping noise of the chair being pushed across the kitchen floor by a toddler girl
  4. “I started to make the cake all by myself, LOOK!” (in a three-year-old voice)
  5. “I cleaned the bathroom floor for you….with that brush that was beside the toilet”
  6. The sound of ALL the teaspoons being flung from the cutlery drawer by a cross toddler
  7. “My yogurt exploded all over my schoolbag, see?”
  8. All the fighting noises.
  9. “MAMMMMMM can you wipe my bum, it’s messy”
  10. “I can’t hold all these eggs for one more second”
  11. “MAMMMMMM I’m helping with the washing up for you”
  12. “Mama do you like my makeup?”
  13. “Laoise is in the press again”
  14. “Mama I drawed you a picture with this special crayon” (It was a Clinique Chubby stick)
  15. The sound of ALL the boys’ Lego being emptied onto the wooden floor
  16. “I can’t remember where I left my (wet) pull-up the last day”
  17. “I cleaned the window with the spray” (the spray was furniture polish)
  18. “There’s a poo in the bath, who putted it there?”
  19. “My inhaler fell into the toilet”
  20. “Laoise has the Sudocrem” (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)
  21. “I’m just mopping the pesto jar I dropped off the floor (with the brush)”
  22. “I putted a circle thing up one of my noses and it’s stuck” (one visit to Caredoc to remove a fake holly berry required)
  23. “Oh noooo Mam, LOOK WHAT HAPPENED…”
  24. *hushed tones to one another * “Mam is not going to be happy about this”

Sound familiar?


  1. the lego one. bloody lego being tipped onto a wooden floor 3 times a day aaaashhhh.

  2. That gave me a great giggle ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m familiar with all to many of those!

  3. The ‘I accidentally ‘ one!!! Drives me demented…they are all too familiar!

  4. Oh number nine…oh god. Actually, all of them!

  5. Sometimes the worse thing is when you can hear nothing, usually means mischief is afoot!!

  6. I laughed out loud at 5, 9 and 18. Hmmm, I see a theme emerging… We must have a small boy the same age ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I have stopped encouraging my little man to clean up after little tinkles after I didn’t get to him quick enough when he took a little tissue to the floor of a very wet public toilet. ๐Ÿ™

  7. I can relate to all of these…and add one more: twins on an overseas posting left for two seconds (well, maybe more) unsupervised in the kitchen…”Ooooooooooh, naughty boys!”

  8. Brilliant post, must share. Oh washing the floor with the toilet brush was my son’s favorite thing to do. He was being very helpful!

  9. number three. It’s a constant theme in our house at the moment. He’s usually just going to help himself to fruit but once he sees whats up there I’m done for. Great list!

  10. number three. Itโ€™s a constant theme in our house at the moment. Heโ€™s usually just going to help himself to fruit but once he sees whats up there Iโ€™m done for. Great list!

  11. Haha brilliant! Oh the sound of the mega blocks hitting our wooden floor stops me in my tracks! Luckily they aren’t as small as lego but I find in every corner for days afterwards! Luke has a bit of a thing for the toilet brush too, I just don’t get it!

  12. Don’t tell anyone, but some of these are still happening now…

  13. Thanks for the marvelous posting! I truly enjoyed reading it, you could
    be a great author. I will make certain to bookmark your blog and will often come back someday.
    I want to encourage you to continue your great work, have a nice weekend!

Leave a Reply